Some history about me. I grew up going to church. A small baptist church in the midst of growing into a big baptist church. All of my childhood friends were my church buddies and I couldn't wait for Sunday's and Wednesdsay's. That eventually changed. About 6 years ago one of my best friends committed suicide. (Now, don't go get your panties all in a wad...this isn't what the story is about! But it does have a purpose!) I was young at the time, just barely 16 (I act as if I'm 50 now haha!) and I didn't understand it all. He never asked for help and relied heavily on drugs. I tried to be there for him as much as I could, but there is only so much I, at 16, could do for him. This isn't the kind of stuff they teach you to deal you to deal with. At 16, I was looking for someone to blame. I know now that no one is to blame, but at 16, someone should have been held responsible in my eyes for letting my friend slip through the cracks so bad. I really lost respect for my church because I felt like they were the ones who should have been there making it all better. Instead, people shunned him because he was "different", called him a trouble maker, and never invited him to come hang out with "friends"...and then showed up to his funeral and cried. I was so angry at them. How can you come to his funeral and CRY when you did nothing to help him??!!
So medium story short, I lost faith in my childhood church, grew up way too fast, and fell out of the whole "religious" thing. I quit going to church, lost some of my really good friends, because, well...I had "strayed" from everything we had been taught- you know...being the good and ever faithful servant. I'm sorry that I'm human guys. Through all of that though, I don't think I ever lost my belief in God. I prayed to Him, I sang to Him. But I didn't do it with a mass of people every Sunday and Wednesday. I did it on my own terms. And I still do.
But recently, I feel like God has been calling my name and I just can't get it out of my head or my heart. I feel like He's wanting me closer to Him, to have a better relationship with Him. And by recently, I mean for months and months. I am not ready to go back to church and I think God knows that. I don't feel like He's pushing me to go there, but I do feel Him pounding away at something. I don't know why I have been pushing Him away for so long, but I finally gave in the other night. I was laying in bed at 2 am in the morning and was praying to Him and I said, "God, you know what would be awesome right now? If there was a thunderstorm to fall asleep to." And do you know what happened next? IT THUNDERED. I kid you not, and no it wasn't in the middle of a storm, nor was there one supposed to be. The weather channel had called for rain earlier in the day, but nothing at 2 am. I fell asleep that night to a wonderful thunderstorm and the realization that God is there, always present and when you NEED to hear from Him, He answers. Now I know for a fact that God has been speaking to me. It was so awesome!
I'm sorry if this was a boring story to read, but I just really felt the need to share it!
P.S.- I totally started taking Flinstone's vitamins the other day because I need some extra of about everything! I used to take them as a kid...and wouldn't you know, they are good for adults too?!!
P.P.S.- My braces come off at 7:30 am on FRIDAYYYY!! Look for before and after pictures to follow soon!:)
P.P.P.S.- I hope you all had a wonderful Monday:)