Monday, July 27, 2009

The One Where He's There.

I just wanted to share a story with you guys tonight:)  There's a long version and a short version...and I'm going to try and share a medium version with you!

Some history about me.  I grew up going to church.  A small baptist church in the midst of growing into a big baptist church.  All of my childhood friends were my church buddies and I couldn't wait for Sunday's and Wednesdsay's.  That eventually changed.  About 6 years ago one of my best friends committed suicide.  (Now, don't go get your panties all in a wad...this isn't what the story is about!  But it does have a purpose!)  I was young at the time, just barely 16 (I act as if I'm 50 now haha!) and I didn't understand it all.  He never asked for help and relied heavily on drugs.  I tried to be there for him as much as I could, but there is only so much I, at 16, could do for him.  This isn't the kind of stuff they teach you to deal you to deal with.  At 16, I was looking for someone to blame.  I know now that no one is to blame, but at 16, someone should have been held responsible in my eyes for letting my friend slip through the cracks so bad.  I really lost respect for my church because I felt like they were the ones who should have been there making it all better.  Instead, people shunned him because he was "different", called him a trouble maker, and never invited him to come hang out with "friends"...and then showed up to his funeral and cried.  I was so angry at them.  How can you come to his funeral and CRY when you did nothing to help him??!!  

So medium story short, I lost faith in my childhood church, grew up way too fast, and fell out of the whole "religious" thing.  I quit going to church, lost some of my really good friends, because, well...I had "strayed" from everything we had been taught- you know...being the good and ever faithful servant.  I'm sorry that I'm human guys.  Through all of that though, I don't think I ever lost my belief in God.  I prayed to Him, I sang to Him.  But I didn't do it with a mass of people every Sunday and Wednesday.  I did it on my own terms.  And I still do.  

But recently, I feel like God has been calling my name and I just can't get it out of my head or my heart.  I feel like He's wanting me closer to Him, to have a better relationship with Him.  And by recently, I mean for months and months.  I am not ready to go back to church and I think God knows that.  I don't feel like He's pushing me to go there, but I do feel Him pounding away at something.  I don't know why I have been pushing Him away for so long, but I finally gave in the other night.  I was laying in bed at 2 am in the morning and was praying to Him and I said, "God, you know what would be awesome right now?  If there was a thunderstorm to fall asleep to."  And do you know what happened next?  IT THUNDERED.  I kid you not, and no it wasn't in the middle of a storm, nor was there one supposed to be.  The weather channel had called for rain earlier in the day, but nothing at 2 am.  I fell asleep that night to a wonderful thunderstorm and the realization that God is there, always present and when you NEED to hear from Him, He answers.  Now I know for a fact that God has been speaking to me.  It was so awesome! 

I'm sorry if this was a boring story to read, but I just really felt the need to share it! 
P.S.- I totally started taking Flinstone's vitamins the other day because I need some extra of about everything!  I used to take them as a kid...and wouldn't you know, they are good for adults too?!!
P.P.S.- My braces come off at 7:30 am on FRIDAYYYY!!  Look for before and after pictures to follow soon!:)
P.P.P.S.- I hope you all had a wonderful Monday:)

1 comment:

Katie said...

I had to have braces twice, so I know the feeling of getting them off! Your teeth feel so weird, slimy, and like they are going to fall out of your mouth! haha